Pricey Eric: I’m a clergy particular person with a cushty workplace/examine on the church constructing. I like the area. It’s the place the nice bulk of my work will get carried out.
I additionally love my spouse. However she is fairly boundaryless relating to my workplace area.
That is problematic for a couple of causes. One is that I typically have confidential details about parishioners on my desk — typically, notes on monetary assist we’ve given or notes on a pastoral counseling state of affairs.
These items should not mendacity out within the open, however my partner will come into the workplace and, as she talks, will casually flip by way of paperwork on my desk. It’s not cool.
I perceive that the pastor’s workplace/examine is a singular area the place many individuals come and count on to really feel proper at residence, however she is consistently coming in, transferring issues, utilizing it for her personal storage, or making “suggestions” or criticisms concerning the decor. (Usually, her issues increase to fill the out there area at residence and in her classroom, too.)
I’ve tried all kinds method I can to deal with the priority I’ve with all of this. However it results in defensiveness and arguments.
What recommendation would you give a man who simply needs his workplace to be his workplace?
—Searching for Sanctuary
Pricey Sanctuary: Put a lock on the door.
In case you’ve acquired confidential materials within the workplace, it’s most likely a good suggestion for it to be secured, anyway.
I’m a bit hazy about why she has a lot entry to the workplace – is she coming from residence to the church frequently? Or do you additionally reside on the church? Both method, it’s merely not communal married property; it belongs to your job. She will respect that or she will be able to learn to decide a lock.
That mentioned, a lock solely solves a part of the issue. The bigger challenge is that your spouse is displaying a profound lack of respect in your job, your area and the privateness of your parishioners. That is harmful in your church and likewise in your marriage.
At this level, I’d recommend you discuss it by way of in marriage counseling. If she’s responding with defensiveness about transferring issues into your workplace and papers while you’ve requested her to not, it’s exhausting to see a path ahead and not using a impartial third get together who might help kind out what’s happening.
As you properly know, a counselor might help you each hear one another extra clearly and, ideally, might help her see the issue and select different behaviors.
Pricey Eric: My partner and I’ve been married for 3 years. My partner’s ex nonetheless has a social media profile image that features my partner.
They’ve been requested repeatedly to take away the picture, and so they have refused to take action.
The explanation that that is such a difficulty is as a result of my partner’s ex was extraordinarily abusive and but accused my partner of each horrible factor below heaven throughout the divorce with a purpose to get as a lot alimony as potential. This particular person made your complete course of a lot longer and a lot extra painful than it wanted to be, and but nonetheless has the audacity to maintain my partner on show.
I discover it sick and disturbing. What motion can we take to get this picture faraway from my partner’s social media?
– Involved Partner
Pricey Involved: Authorized protections relating to on-line photographs can range by state, so your only option is to seek the advice of an lawyer who can inform you if there may be any recourse. This may very well be a violation of privateness or harassment.
Nevertheless, persevering with to be engaged with this particular person, even not directly by way of an lawyer, sounds prefer it’s solely going to convey extra strife into your life.
If the images aren’t inappropriate, one choice is to dam the ex. Even when the ex is pretending to mates that the divorce didn’t occur, it’s less than you to persuade the ex that it did. It could convey you extra peace to chop the ex out of your proverbial image.
Pricey Eric: Are you able to solid any gentle on sending cash with sympathy playing cards?
I’ve by no means heard of that in my 77 years of life. Personally, I might really feel insulted if any individual put cash in a sympathy card. It’s as in the event that they’re attaching a monitory amount of cash to their sympathy.
– Sympathy Question
Pricey Sympathy: Whereas actually not a requirement, some folks put cash in sympathy playing cards as a gesture of assist. Funerals might be pricey, even with insurance coverage, and there are lots of ancillary bills that come up.
The intention isn’t to place an quantity on sympathy, however moderately to lend a serving to hand when wanted. However, if it doesn’t make you’re feeling snug, you don’t have to simply accept it, or you may donate it.
