Miss Manners: The bride is already mad at individuals, and I don’t need to be on that listing

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin, with whom my husband and I are very shut, is getting married. Sadly, there are a couple of issues.

The preliminary points included our restricted funds, transportation troubles, the date of the occasion (a Thursday night time) and the marriage’s no-children-allowed rule.

With the assistance of my dad and mom, most of these points have been solved. Nonetheless, on account of numerous issues associated to my husband’s job, we’ve determined it’s greatest he not attend.

I’m extraordinarily involved concerning the fallout from that call. My cousin, often an easygoing individual, is already livid with a number of visitors who’ve declined her invitation.

Her rationale is that as a result of she’s borrowed over $20,000 to pay for her marriage ceremony, her extra financially lucky visitors ought to assist these struggling within the areas of presents, transportation, lodge prices, childcare, elder care, and so forth. If the occasion will influence work duties, visitors should guarantee ample trip time is put aside.

Most of my members of the family — together with my 83-year-old aunt unwell, and my cousin with epilepsy and extreme anxiousness — are attending. My mom has warned me that I’ll have to arrange a robust argument for why my husband can’t attend to make sure my relationship with my cousin survives.

Are there any etiquette guidelines that may assist my case? Particularly, is there any legitimate excuse, moreover extreme sickness, for not attending a detailed member of the family’s marriage ceremony?

GENTLE READER: There’s nothing like saying, “I put myself in debt to throw this extravagant party, so you better show up — health and financial instability be damned!” to get you within the spirit for a household marriage ceremony.

Miss Manners will remind you that you don’t want an excuse, and also you do not need to present in to coercion. You simply must repeat the phrase, “I am afraid Curtis won’t be able to attend, but he sends his love” as many instances as doable till your cousin will get uninterested in asking.

Maybe it would trigger a rift. However judging from the listing of different members of the family who’re being subjected to tyranny, your husband can be in good firm.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a ship, and wanted to dry my seaside towels after a current tour. The boat membership has one washer and one dryer. Once I bought there, the dryer was obtainable, though one other boater had garments within the washer.

On the finish of the cycle, my towels weren’t near dry. I made a decision to take them out and are available again later to complete drying them. I assumed this was one of the best strategy, because the person of the washer was there earlier than me (and ready in individual to make use of the dryer).

Ought to I’ve gone forward and put the dryer on one other cycle, since I used to be utilizing it first? Or was it applicable to take my towels and are available again later?

GENTLE READER: With the opposite boater ready in individual, Miss Manners understands why you determined to return later — and finds it thoughtful.

However the goal of the dryer is to dry issues. Because it failed to take action, it might not have been unreasonable so that you can begin one other cycle to complete the duty. You could possibly have warned your loitering buddy that they could must do the identical.